• evan mccrary

Reiki, Tantra and Kink

Question, how often are you truly in your body while you are being intimate with yourself or your partner? Are you present enough to notice where in your body something may feel off? How do you respond in the moment? Do you vocalize this to your partner?

While these were not the questions that kicked off my healing journey or kink journey, Reiki, Tantra and Kink have brought about greater body awareness, identification and communication of my desires and longings, deep sexual healing, and expression of my authentic self and power. More simply put, Reiki, Tantra and Kink have healed (mind, body, spirit) and supported my liberation journey.

Over the past four and a half years, I have used Reiki (now a reiki master) and now tantra (just finished the Personal Development program through Institute of Authentic Tantra. Not certified to work with folx on this yet ) to support my healing (mind, body, spirit). Through my studies and readings, our bodies hold so much for us (e.g., energy, memories, emotions etc.) and can store these things to protect us so we can continue to be in this world. However, if not addressed, these things can have an impact on our physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health and well-being. Through energy work (self and with clients), I hold space and support them through energetic processing and releasing these things in order to create more space within the body, reduce stress and tension and connect with their authentic selves.

Through the work to remove the blockages and create more body presence and awareness, we become more connected to our inner knowing and engage in honest communicate about our emotions, desires, longings, needs, and through practice, can lead to deeper embodiment. As much as we need to heal and do “the work” (define that for yourself), you need to play and have fun.

I’ve always been very comfortable with embracing and expressing my sexual and sensual energy (e.g., pole dancing, sensual touch, masturbation). Kink and BDSM have served a similar role to energy work. It’s brought me into deeper connection and communion with myself and body, heal, express (no blocked throat chakra here), get curious and indulge in my imagination and have a LOT of fun and deeply liberating. Through kink, I have examined my relationship to power (the term and my own) and autonomy within my relationships, especially romantic. Due to social conditioning (especially as a Black female identifying person), owning, wielding and expressing power, knowing or control over self can be perceived as a threat to some. It can also invite the labeling of harmful stereotypes, social isolation, and lack or loss of opportunity and coin (especially in professional spaces). So, admittingly, there have been times where I’ve presented as “submissive ( falsely)” or smaller as to not invite that and inadvertently done even more harm than outside forces. But through kink and BDSM, I have challenged those behaviors and beliefs and reconnected to that power in a more authentic way.

Kink and BDSM has served as a starting point of reclamation, expression and embodiment of that control and power. To know that I have the power to create, control, command, to bring about an experience that brings pleasure (or another benefit) to someone is so powerful. Conversely, be able to let go, receive, submit, and trust when I desire to. And that’s the point, right? To embody and express that energy when I WANT because I CAN (with consent of course). How powerful to discover your power and liberate yourself these ways?

Energy work and kink have been two sides of the same coin for me…. through surrender and power, I have walked through the fire and had some pain. But I’ve found more liberation each time.

For more information about Black Kink visit

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